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The caricatures are everywhere, the jokes are inexhaustible, and the stereotypes fill the screens. From Marie Barone (Everyone Loves Raymond) to Viola Fields (Monster-in-Law) to Internet sites and social media pages like ihatemyinlaws.com and a Facebook page for ihatemymotherinlaw there is no shortage of examples of the caustic relationships that can develop between the two women in a man’s life.
Deb DeArmond and her three daughters-in-law have conducted their own exhaustive research into the status of the women-in-law relationship. Their research, which incorporated online surveys, interviews, and discussions, included asking about the faith factor in the relationships they studied. Of the respondents, nearly 90 percent claimed they were Christians, and 79 percent said their faith was foundational and guided their actions and decisions. As discouraging as it may be, the numbers of those they surveyed who reported that their women-in-law relationships were “bad” were nearly identical to those in a survey conducted by a popular secular website that recorded no statistics on faith.
Beyond the statistics and their analysis, Deb brings to this book more than thirty years working with adults to improve communications and deal constructively with conflict. Aside from her research and her professional expertise, perhaps the most important asset Deb brings to this work is her own relationship with her three daughters-in-law that is so obviously and unusually positive that she—and they—are often asked to explain the secret of the relationships they share.
This practical and unapologetically scriptural book covers issues of personal perceptions, strained communication, the roles of sons and fathers in the relationship’s success, how to begin these relationships on the right foot, and the necessity of trust and love. Deb’s one motivating objective is to help women-in-law move from women who are simply related to strong and confident members of a truly spiritual family.
- Sales Rank: #310257 in Books
- Brand: Kregel Publications
- Published on: 2013-10-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.40" h x .40" w x 5.50" l, .55 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 208 pages
Features
- Used Book in Good Condition
Review
"Takes a biblical approach to improving communications and establishing mutual respect in this important relationship." (CBA Retailers & Resources 2013-10-01)
With godly wisdom, insight, and abundant ideas and tips, Deborah DeArmond equips women-in-law who love the same man with all they need to do life together well. . . . An excellent resource. (Twila Belk, the "Gotta Tell Somebody Gal" 2013-08-01) --1
From the Author
It's possible, if not easy, to create family with your woman-in-law. This book is for BOTH women - the MIL and the DIL. Whether you're engaged and need to know how to get started on the right foot, or already in the mix - this book can help establish, improve, sustain and even resurrect the relationship with the "other woman" who shares a great love for the man in the middle!
You can also find a Discussion Guide for the book, and information on how to use the book for a book club or small group. Find it here: debdearmond.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/DISCUSSION-GUIDE-11.28.13.pdf
I love connecting with my readers, so please let me hear from you. Feedback, experiences you'd like to share and even questions about your own relationship. You can find me at debdearmond.com or via email at deb@debdearmond.com
From the Back Cover
If you're wondering about which girl is which, here's the key: Sarah is the redhead, Penny the blonde, and Heather the brunette. The young brunette.
Most helpful customer reviews
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful.
The Women-in-Law Bible!
By Kathy C. Willis
When I married, one of my first decisions was that I would not call my husband’s mother my mother-in-law. Instead, she was my mother-in-love. That decision helped influence every part of my relationship with her. So when I read Deb DeArmond’s book, “Related by Chance, Family by Choice, “ one of the early sections in the book that resonated with me was the difference between in-law and in-love. Deb’s biblical wisdom establishes foundational truths, not only for in-law situations, but really—any relationship.
The book discusses two women who are in love with the same man..."women-in-law." Deb debunks the Mother-in-Law myth and equips both the daughters-in-law and the mothers-in-law who read the book with valuable tools to create healthy relationships. “Related by Chance, Family by Choice” should be the bible on women-in-law issues. Read it before issues start as a preventative, or after problems surface as a first-aid guide.
I like the quizzes in each chapter—they remind me of the tests I find in women’s magazines. We all take those tests to self-treat whatever issue we might have, or to praise ourselves for those areas in which we believe we’re successful. Deb uses the tests to help the reader identify problem spots that need extra work.
As a women’s ministry director and a national speaker, I plan to use this book as a resource in my one-on-one counseling with women. It’s never too soon to read this book. I’d especially recommend it to boy mommas who are preparing their hearts for the day their boys wed. If you’ve started to pray for the wife your son will have one day, “Related by Chance, Family by Choice” will prepare you for that day! And if you are a soon-to-be bride, a newlywed or an oldywed, there’s never a wrong time to work on improving your relationship with your mother-in-love.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
Essential skills to establish or repair in-law relationships
By Joan N.
We've heard the jokes about mothers-in-law. Mother-in-law daughter-in-law (MIL DIL) relationships are characteristically difficult. Two women love the same man.
Deb and her three daughters-in-law say the relationship doesn't have to be difficult. It will take work and a heavy dose of God's love.
Deb has done lots of research to understand the MIL DIL relationship. Fewer than half of the women polled said their relationship was good. But 70 percent said they were willing to make the effort to improve the relationship – if they knew how.
If you are part of that 70 percent, this book is for you. Deb shares the tools and skills needed to improve the in-law relationships. She includes many stories from her own life and the lives of others.
She looks at the biblical example of women-in-law and gleans insights from Scripture. She discusses some challenging situations and provides helpful suggestions for resolving the issue. I was impressed with her chapter on communication. She has excellent ideas for dealing with those touchy discussions, such as with which family to have Christmas. I really appreciated her chapter on leaving and cleaving, addressing the potential dependence of children on their parents. She has amazing wisdom and practical tips on that subject.
Each chapter includes an assessment so we can see where we are with respect to the concepts covered in the chapter. She includes a “plan of action” worksheet with questions and ends the chapter with a perceptive prayer.
I am impressed with this book. If you want to establish a loving and respectful relationship with your MIL or DIL but have no idea how to begin, this book is for you. If have a damaged relationship with your MIL or DIL and want to know how to repair it, this book is for you. If you don't have a DIL or MIL yet but are anticipating one in the future, this book is for you.
I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher for the purpose of this review.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
More Than Expected
By Brenda Poinsett
I read "Related by Chance, Family by Choice" because I wanted to know Deb DeArmond better. As it turned out, I achieved that and more because of Deb’s clear writing and the book’s organization. Right off I learned, she is a clear and organized writer. In the first chapter, the structure is spelled out so you know what to look for in the rest of the book: stories, self-assessments, exercises, prayers, etc. My favorite part was the stories, but all items were insightful. Consequently, I recommend this book to any woman struggling in a relationship. While written specifically for mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law, Deb offers wise counsel that is adaptable to all relationships. I particularly appreciated chapter 7 which contains lots of good insight and tips about communicating. I plan to make use of some of the tips in helping people simplify their Christmases which is part of the work I do. I can use the conversation starters in that chapter at Toastmasters for table topic questions and in helping women make friends, something else I do. Interesting, isn’t it? I read to know Deb, and ended up learning much more. I learned about relationships (I’ll admit I was shocked about some of the vitriolic relationships some mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law have), and I gained knowledge that will assist me as a speaker and writer.
See all 53 customer reviews...
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